Don't tell anybody but ...

...there is a chance I am actually losing weight.

"After all, tomorrow is another day"

Not so much day by day as hour by hour.

Made it through Hallowe'en with ingesting no more than half a dozen Tootsie Rolls and two mini chocolate bars.

There's baking on the counter, cookies for lunches, cupcakes a friend brought by, as I'm laid up with back issues (likely due in some part to obesity) ...I make sure there's a bowl of cheerful cherry tomatoes and bright green snap peas on that same counter so I have a chance to reconsider before having "just one" cookie.

Not that I couldn't have a cookie. It's just that losing 100 pounds will happen faster if I don't have one.

Favourite snack this week? Pickled asparagus.

I haven't been weighed in a few weeks - too many people doing my driving for me as it is, and the nutritionist is way across town and I am oddly reluctant to talk numbers yet, for some reason. That's not precisely true - I don't mind saying I started this journey at pretty much exactly the same place I started last time, which was still at least a dozen pounds lower than my highest ever.

Onward and downward. Pass the pickles.

In the interest of full disclosure ...

I do over-eat. I have entire weeks where I do not, however, and I am still profoundly obese.

That word "glutton" though - that one's annoying me. You'd think a glutton would enjoy eating, no?

Buckle up, this could be a long one.

Point the First: I just really really dislike anonymous comments. If you have something to say, say it. I'm almost 50. I can take it. Don't make me lie awake at three in the morning wondering if you're someone I know. When I'm awake at three am, I like to be praying for people.

Point the Second: I have no doubt that Anonymous had the best of intentions. Please refrain from comments addressed to Anonymous.

Point the Third : I am in no way arguing with the veracity of Crystal Munson's experience. She represents a percentage of people, overweight or not, who have a problem with gluttony.

Okay now the real point:


Someone left a comment earlier this week, that I will cut and paste here:

a message for any Christian woman who struggles with overeating ...
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/christian-womanhood-/gluttony


At the word "overeating", my eyebrows twitched a little. (My eyebrows had managed to overlook the word "woman" - is overeating an exclusively X chromosome issue? Je pense que ...non.) Then I hit the word "gluttony" and my eyebrows went way high up, and I closed my computer.

"God speaks to us through other people", I often tell other people. I thought about that as I took the dog for a (very short - see back injury) walk.
Later that night, when everyone was in bed, I clicked on the link and listened. I prayed to listen with an open mind. I prayed that if God had something for me to learn, that He would make that clear to me.

Here is my reaction.

Lie #1. Everyone who is overweight over-eats.

Lie #2. Everyone who is overweight has a problem with gluttony.

We make assumptions about people's eating habits based on their appearance.

We make assumptions about people's eating habits based on their size.

We are often wrong.

Regarding Lie #1 - sure, caloric input vs caloric output results in weight gain if input exceeds output. In a body that is working properly. I am NOT defensive here, I am using myself as an example because that's what I have to work with :) I am not even saying that I don't overeat BUT I eat less junk food than anyone else in my house, and I am the most obese, because if I don't eat the right kinds of foods, I put on weight. If I eat simple carbs as opposed to complex carbs, I will put on weight, because of what that makes insulin do in my body. If my diet does not have a high enough proportion of vegetables, I will gain weight, because of what that makes insulin do in my body.

Now, that being said, there are definitely times when I overeat. However, there are people who overweight who do not overeat. I've met them. And I can say with a clear conscience, at this point in my life, I am one of them.

#Lie 2 Gluttony.

What do you think when you think of gluttony? Eating too much, or, as some peope phrase it, making food more important than God. Obsessing about food, thinking about food, lying about food, hiding what you eat - the list goes on.

I think the weight battle is a process. I don't think about food much - it's likely why I'm overweight. I eat without paying attention. I snack while I'm making supper, because I'm in the kitchen, and there's food.

So is that sin? Is the fact that food was a comfort when I was a child, a comfort I am working to let go of, a sin?

I don't think so. I most emphatically do not think so.

When I was younger - maybe. Maybe I could have said food was a kind of god to me then. I thought about it a lot. I would eat before I left the house just in case I got hungry while I was gone. I couldn't walk by a plate of cookies without having one.

I have worked to lose weight, off and on, throughout my adult life. The reasons have varied - I hate the way I look, or I hate the way I look, or I hate the way I look :) but now it's health reasons. I am tired of hearing "it would help if you could lose weight." without actually losing weight. Every weight loss program I have tried has contributed to my current attitudes toward food and weight loss issues, and I am a work in progress.

I am currently, right now today, a fat person who does not overeat and who is not a glutton. I can't be the only one in the world.

And I thought maybe the rest of the overweight nongluttons who don't overeat could use a post written in their defense.

So how's it going?

How do people eat six cups of vegetables in a day? And then all that other stuff? There's no WAY I'm eating everything on my "Basic (with Choices)" list.

I am determined, however, that this will be sustainable, so there are a few things I refuse to do. I'm not buying artificial sweetener for one cup of coffee a day, in fact, I don't DO "artificial" food.

Mainstays of my diet so far: turkey pepperoni sticks (seriously? who invented that? They should get a lot of gold stars. I should knit them dishcloths.) and snap peas.

I am hungry all afternoon, usually, but that's insulin resistance rearing its ugly head. I have a filling lunch and half an hour later, excess insulin starts buzzing through my body shouting lies like "You are still hungry!! You must store fat!!" I ignore the insulin and listen to soothing music.

Yesterday I was listening to John Denver and wanted to punch him in the face for being such a pansy Pollyanna.

So the soothing thing doesn't necessarily always work.

Slowest weight loss in history

And yet again ...attempts will be made.

You know what's really smart? Starting a new eating plan while you're sitting at home babying your back so it stops hurting so you can freaking sleep at night.

I told someone today it's a good thing I'm not a drinker, or I'd be making calls at 3 a.m. to everyone I spoke to today, apologizing for being so cranky.

Curves Update #2

I bet it's good for me.